I know I know, worrying gets you no where and God tells us all throughout the Bible to cast your worries aside and lean on him, but I find that I worry myself sick more often than not still.
Of course there are the every day things: What bills do we have coming up? Do we have all the funds we need this month? Did I remember to mail that letter on time? What did I forget at the store that I needed so badly? What is that kid getting into now? Did I make a good first impression? This list could go on and on and on.....
Then we have the bigger mind-weighing thoughts that will make me sick while laying in bed: Am I giving my sons the best education I possibly can? Do my boys feel all the love that I missed growing up? Will they be healthy and strong and happy when they grow up? Will I be healthy enough to watch their whole lives unfold?
This last question is one that my husband and I ponder and worry about quite often. We have definitely awakened to realize that we must take every step we can to lead healthy lives over the past two years, but have we done everything we can? Will sickness still creep it's ugly head into our lives one day? We worry for good reason...cancer runs in both sides of our families and has taken the lives of many we loved. My father has been battling cancer for the past 16 years now...it will come in and out of remission disguised differently each time, and my grandmother passed away when I was 3 of colon cancer. My mother has had 3 very scary close calls over the past several years as well and then I did a little over two years ago.
My doctor found a very large cyst, it was removed and came back benign and we felt so blessed to receive such news. Not long after we discovered that we had finally been able to conceive L! So Blessed!! Well, today I find myself feeling as terrible as I did back when that was first discovered. I have worried in my mind silently for several months now after day after day of pain, nausea and constant diziness and ear-ringing. I felt guilty sharing my worry with my husband and friends because we all have enough on our plates, and maybe if I just ignore it, it will go away. Well, last Thursday night, I broke down in pain after spending the day sick and nauseous once again and shared all of my months of worry with my husband. He insisted that I make a doctor appointment and get everything checked out immediately...I go tomorrow afternoon. It's time to stop worrying that something is absolutely not right with my body and go get it taken care of! We promised each other no worrying anymore, we will figure it all out together and will lean on each other and God (and I am sure that everything will be fine in the end)!
So maybe in this case, worrying has done me good. It forced me to accept and deal with the issue at hand and find answers to my questions. It is something that I would like to begin eliminating from my life however. If I spent less time worrying and more time acting and doing maybe there wouldn't be so much to worry about at the end of the day. That would sure make it a lot easier to close my eyes and actually fall asleep right away too.
What about you? Are you a worry wart? How do you deal with and eliminate your worries?
I hope you all have a fantastic week and Happy Halloween to you and all your little monsters, ghosts and goblins!